Soul The Virtuous Woman

Relaxing in the “shade”…combating adult put-downs.

For the most part, I try to trust that most people have good intentions.  I must confess, I don’t like conflict and it really catches me off guard when someone has ill intentions as a recourse for self-preservation.  Especially when people try to throw shade, whether in a joking manner or bold, blunt shade.  Reality is, we all have flaws and we have to learn how to deal with the challenges of living with a variety of personalities, including the negative traits that potentially cause conflicts, discord, and strife.  I am continuing to learn how to navigate through the emotional waters of female relationships, which I have always found to be a challenge

Although I keep my inner circle tightly woven with friends and family that I truly trust and share like-minded ideas of friendship, I really wish more women would embrace the true nature of sisterhood.  Throughout our society, entertainment is continuously sowing seeds of discord among women by glorifying catty, envious, bickering, and messy women. Throwing “shade” has become the weapon of choice to basically belittle and humiliate each other.

The great news is that no matter how much I grow, I never outgrow the wealth of wisdom that God provides in all areas of my life, including relational matters and personal growth and development.  Here are a few tips that I am continuous learning to use when dealing with shade:

  1. Relax in the shade.  Don’t let the shade steal your sunshine. Your sunshine is your  confidence, joy, and self-esteem.  Don’t let insults rob you of your joy and confidence.  When women throw shade, its meant to rattle the victim and cause embarrassment. Ignore the negative comments, unless you feel its blatant disrespect and rudeness that needs to be addressed.  Remember, your class and dignity are on the line, every time you open your mouth.  Remain calm and collect and in control of your emotions. Smile and continue your happy, joyful life.  Besides, “one monkey, don’t stop the show”.
  2. Block the shade:  Shade is a form of darkness.  Light is always the ultimate cure for darkness.  Shedding light upon darkness by speaking the truth is always a great tool for combating shade.  You live in your truth.  As long as you know the truth about your character and maintain confidence and a healthy self-esteem, who cares what others think.  Don’t let other peoples’ opinion rent space in mind.  If there are issues in which you need to shed the light of truth on, do so with love and kindness.  Choose your battle and words wisely, otherwise, people will play the victim and you will end up looking like the emotional, dramatic fool.
  3. Don’t participate or enjoy any forms of shade. Learn to continuously celebrate and rejoice with other women. I always say, giving a compliment and noticing beauty in other women does not take away from you.  There is no need to feel threatened just because another beautiful, talented woman walks in the room. Don’t participate in put downs, or divisive conversations, especially when those jars are aimed at making someone look good at the expense of tearing down others.



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